you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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