dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
