Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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