So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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