What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
