Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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