Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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