That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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