Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
