i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
