we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
