I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When did angry sex become our thing?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
