Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
