Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
