how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
