I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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