i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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