ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
