am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
