Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
be right there i have to get my cape
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
