Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
