I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
