I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
