This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
