All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
