I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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