how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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