pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
