just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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