so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
