I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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