I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Randomize
