I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
