All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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