I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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