i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You may now shotgun with the bride
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
