i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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