Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
