sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I will be naked everywhere
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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