I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize