Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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