apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
