I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
