can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
