am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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