I can't breathe out the right side of my face
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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