a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Help. Why am I so naked?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
