Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
