just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
