I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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