I look better un-naked...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
