A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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