so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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