I hate your face
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
