they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
