and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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