Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
