I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
