Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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