She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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