highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
