How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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