you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize