I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
