I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
