guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so that wasnt chicken after all
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I fill condoms, not promises.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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