Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
