Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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