So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
