I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
