Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
