Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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