Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
