i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
