Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
