Your face is a jimmy john
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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