You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
